GRAY SKIES ARE GONNA CLEAR UP.... PUT ON A HAPPY FACE
Recently as I scrolled through my blog it occurred to me that there isn’t much in the way of positive type information represented. The more I thought about it, the more it seemed to me to be a glaring omission on my part, as there are plenty positives and much to be thankful for over here. Plus, as I was telling my wife J the other day, there simply must be a substantial amount of positive to off set the negative… otherwise I would be decidedly miserable; which I assure you, I am not. I don’t really know where to begin though, I know it is there and all I need is to look for it. Let me think and perhaps this will be cathartic for all of us.
Let me see... one of the things that comes immediately to mind is my friendship with my roommates/teammates. Together we are making the best of the situation and trying to even have a little fun while were at it. I am not saying that it’s all peaches and cream sharing 90 sqft of living space between three grown men, but it works better than you might imagine. In short, I am greatly thankful for the friendships I have developed with P and R. Without them, my experience would be greatly diminished, to say the least.
Yet another positive is, of course, the experience itself. I mean, c’mon… what young boy never played around and imagined himself a soldier? In a way I am acting out the fantasies of nearly every kid who ever got a plastic gun and crept around in the shadows of the back yard, hunting bad guys. So, despite the fact that this is real, and those are real bullets in the chamber, there is a sort of “neatness” to all of this. Having the weapons and tactics, and employing our resources, pitting our intelligence and skill against an enemy, unseen and dangerous… It sounds like a novel or something, only it’s all really happening. Funny, I suppose as a reservist this revelation may affect me more than the active duty guys here, but it is a bit of a curiosity for me. Two years ago I had never really imagined that I would end up here. 5 ½ years ago, when I joined the Reserves, prior to 9/11 and the world of today, I hardly could have imagined a reason for actually going overseas to fight. Furthermore, I never imagined coming over in this capacity; as when I joined the military it was as an Engineer, working in a rock quarry. In any case, I don’t mean to trivialize being in a war, but it is an adventure for sure.
Another positive here, and this is a “doosy”, is simply the import I find in the details of life now. Not to claim enlightenment or anything, but for better or worse this experience has already given me a more profound appreciation for the little things in life. Nostalgia seems to permeate nearly everything. Every song that reminds me of my wife, and every picture of my nieces and nephews brings a smile to my heart. In as such, I derive much happiness and joy knowing that I am lucky enough to have such a beautiful and wonderful wife awaiting my return. Having my own personal “fan club” in the form of my nieces and nephews at home rooting for me and praying for my safe return is quite an honor as well. I don’t know. I guess you just get a real sense of how lucky you are. Living amidst all of this chaos and uncertainty there is such a great sense of comfort knowing that things are in order back home. Before I arrived here, I imagined more that I would be jealous of everyone back home, partaking in the holidays and festivities that I was accustomed to. Only now that I am here there is something reassuring in knowing that things are much as they were before I left. I smile thinking of my friends and family sharing a laugh and a drink, perhaps raising a glass for me in my absence… After all what am I doing this for if not in an attempt to contribute to ensuring our way of life goes on unimpeded and is secure for us and future generations, right?
That leads me to seemingly the strangest sort of positive I have become aware of… that of missing home. This may seem a bit weird, but to actually miss home is a good feeling for me. I am not sure if I can properly convey what I mean, but let me try. I am not referring to homesickness… that would be the negative side of missing home. What I am talking about is realizing that you have a home, and missing it. Perhaps this feeling is something that is solely my own, but I doubt it. Maybe more just the appreciation of it, as such, is unique to me and my situation. Again, however, I would be willing to bet there are more than a few out there who could sympathize. I have basically been a vagrant since I graduated high school in 1997, leaving behind my first home; bouncing around from coast to coast, from friend to relative and back again. Only recently, just before my deployment, I realized that I finally have a home. I am not really talking about a place to live either, but all the things that make Annapolis and my new condo there a real home. I have my brother and sister and their families living close by, not to mention, Dad and B just around the corner. I have a history in the area now as well. It’s where I first attended college, where I got both my A.A. and B.S. degrees. It’s where I found my wife, fell in love and proposed to her. It is where I found my first true friends; all my boys from AACC and D in the city. It is where I discovered who I really am. Well at least for the moment anyhow. :-) Realizing that I have all that now… well I think you can see why I view it as a positive. It feels very comfortable and familiar to long to be home, and it feels especially good to have a home to long to be at.
So to wrap things up, I just thought that my blog was a little bit of a drag… and I am usually not that way. So I thought that in order for this blog to more accurately represent me it should also reflect my optimistic and positive side. When I sit down to write these things I have a tendency to bitch and gripe about the things that are on my mind, but I don’t want everyone to end up thinking that I am just sitting over here stewing over all the negative stuff. Don’t think that these are the only things that are uplifting over here either… there is much, much more. A smile and wave from a four year old Iraqi kid sitting on his fathers shoulders as we roll by; a heartfelt letter from a close friend, a package from a friend with just a hint of Old No.7, letters and notes of support from many I hardly know, a generous gift of the entire Star Wars epic, a fresh cup of Starbucks coffee, the sound of my nana’s voice saying “I love you” from 6000 miles away, finger painted xmas trees, volumes and volumes of emails from my favorite retiree (love you momma), the sound of pride I hear when I speak to my father and brother… there are a million things that keep me going. Certainly the support that I get from all of you tops the list. I really can’t adequately express how much it means to, not only me, but all deployed troops that you and the rest of America is behind us. We are, after all, not a group of warmongers or anything of the sort. We are your friends and neighbors, just Americans following through with an oath we took to protect and defend our nation when called upon.
Before I end I have one final thought. Seeing as how this blog is primarily about how I get along, and the positives in my experience; I would be remiss to gloss over the contributions of the one person who I owe much of my personal happiness to in the first place, my beautiful wife. In a few weeks we will have been separate for longer than we were together as a married couple. After another few weeks we will celebrate our one year anniversary as husband and wife, having shared only 5 months of our first year of marriage together. Despite this, our bond has remained strong; stronger than ever, in fact. I am not ashamed to tell all of you that she is the most amazing woman I have ever known and that I am madly in love with her. I am blown away by her unwavering love and compassion for others, even while she struggles with her own plight in all of this. Also, her steadfast love and care for me throughout all of this has made me the envy of the army… Indeed it is widely known that deployments are hard on marriages and families, especially young marriages. I am so blessed to count myself among the few who are lucky enough to, not only be free of such worries, but enjoy such success and the satisfaction of a sound marriage, fledgling though it may be. I am convinced that I couldn’t possibly be as successful as I have been at completing my task if it weren’t for her undying support and overwhelming love. I want you all to know it and I want her to know it too. She is the light at the end of my tunnel, and the reason I wake each day with a smile on my face. I love you J. Thank you.
Let me see... one of the things that comes immediately to mind is my friendship with my roommates/teammates. Together we are making the best of the situation and trying to even have a little fun while were at it. I am not saying that it’s all peaches and cream sharing 90 sqft of living space between three grown men, but it works better than you might imagine. In short, I am greatly thankful for the friendships I have developed with P and R. Without them, my experience would be greatly diminished, to say the least.
Yet another positive is, of course, the experience itself. I mean, c’mon… what young boy never played around and imagined himself a soldier? In a way I am acting out the fantasies of nearly every kid who ever got a plastic gun and crept around in the shadows of the back yard, hunting bad guys. So, despite the fact that this is real, and those are real bullets in the chamber, there is a sort of “neatness” to all of this. Having the weapons and tactics, and employing our resources, pitting our intelligence and skill against an enemy, unseen and dangerous… It sounds like a novel or something, only it’s all really happening. Funny, I suppose as a reservist this revelation may affect me more than the active duty guys here, but it is a bit of a curiosity for me. Two years ago I had never really imagined that I would end up here. 5 ½ years ago, when I joined the Reserves, prior to 9/11 and the world of today, I hardly could have imagined a reason for actually going overseas to fight. Furthermore, I never imagined coming over in this capacity; as when I joined the military it was as an Engineer, working in a rock quarry. In any case, I don’t mean to trivialize being in a war, but it is an adventure for sure.
Another positive here, and this is a “doosy”, is simply the import I find in the details of life now. Not to claim enlightenment or anything, but for better or worse this experience has already given me a more profound appreciation for the little things in life. Nostalgia seems to permeate nearly everything. Every song that reminds me of my wife, and every picture of my nieces and nephews brings a smile to my heart. In as such, I derive much happiness and joy knowing that I am lucky enough to have such a beautiful and wonderful wife awaiting my return. Having my own personal “fan club” in the form of my nieces and nephews at home rooting for me and praying for my safe return is quite an honor as well. I don’t know. I guess you just get a real sense of how lucky you are. Living amidst all of this chaos and uncertainty there is such a great sense of comfort knowing that things are in order back home. Before I arrived here, I imagined more that I would be jealous of everyone back home, partaking in the holidays and festivities that I was accustomed to. Only now that I am here there is something reassuring in knowing that things are much as they were before I left. I smile thinking of my friends and family sharing a laugh and a drink, perhaps raising a glass for me in my absence… After all what am I doing this for if not in an attempt to contribute to ensuring our way of life goes on unimpeded and is secure for us and future generations, right?
That leads me to seemingly the strangest sort of positive I have become aware of… that of missing home. This may seem a bit weird, but to actually miss home is a good feeling for me. I am not sure if I can properly convey what I mean, but let me try. I am not referring to homesickness… that would be the negative side of missing home. What I am talking about is realizing that you have a home, and missing it. Perhaps this feeling is something that is solely my own, but I doubt it. Maybe more just the appreciation of it, as such, is unique to me and my situation. Again, however, I would be willing to bet there are more than a few out there who could sympathize. I have basically been a vagrant since I graduated high school in 1997, leaving behind my first home; bouncing around from coast to coast, from friend to relative and back again. Only recently, just before my deployment, I realized that I finally have a home. I am not really talking about a place to live either, but all the things that make Annapolis and my new condo there a real home. I have my brother and sister and their families living close by, not to mention, Dad and B just around the corner. I have a history in the area now as well. It’s where I first attended college, where I got both my A.A. and B.S. degrees. It’s where I found my wife, fell in love and proposed to her. It is where I found my first true friends; all my boys from AACC and D in the city. It is where I discovered who I really am. Well at least for the moment anyhow. :-) Realizing that I have all that now… well I think you can see why I view it as a positive. It feels very comfortable and familiar to long to be home, and it feels especially good to have a home to long to be at.
So to wrap things up, I just thought that my blog was a little bit of a drag… and I am usually not that way. So I thought that in order for this blog to more accurately represent me it should also reflect my optimistic and positive side. When I sit down to write these things I have a tendency to bitch and gripe about the things that are on my mind, but I don’t want everyone to end up thinking that I am just sitting over here stewing over all the negative stuff. Don’t think that these are the only things that are uplifting over here either… there is much, much more. A smile and wave from a four year old Iraqi kid sitting on his fathers shoulders as we roll by; a heartfelt letter from a close friend, a package from a friend with just a hint of Old No.7, letters and notes of support from many I hardly know, a generous gift of the entire Star Wars epic, a fresh cup of Starbucks coffee, the sound of my nana’s voice saying “I love you” from 6000 miles away, finger painted xmas trees, volumes and volumes of emails from my favorite retiree (love you momma), the sound of pride I hear when I speak to my father and brother… there are a million things that keep me going. Certainly the support that I get from all of you tops the list. I really can’t adequately express how much it means to, not only me, but all deployed troops that you and the rest of America is behind us. We are, after all, not a group of warmongers or anything of the sort. We are your friends and neighbors, just Americans following through with an oath we took to protect and defend our nation when called upon.
Before I end I have one final thought. Seeing as how this blog is primarily about how I get along, and the positives in my experience; I would be remiss to gloss over the contributions of the one person who I owe much of my personal happiness to in the first place, my beautiful wife. In a few weeks we will have been separate for longer than we were together as a married couple. After another few weeks we will celebrate our one year anniversary as husband and wife, having shared only 5 months of our first year of marriage together. Despite this, our bond has remained strong; stronger than ever, in fact. I am not ashamed to tell all of you that she is the most amazing woman I have ever known and that I am madly in love with her. I am blown away by her unwavering love and compassion for others, even while she struggles with her own plight in all of this. Also, her steadfast love and care for me throughout all of this has made me the envy of the army… Indeed it is widely known that deployments are hard on marriages and families, especially young marriages. I am so blessed to count myself among the few who are lucky enough to, not only be free of such worries, but enjoy such success and the satisfaction of a sound marriage, fledgling though it may be. I am convinced that I couldn’t possibly be as successful as I have been at completing my task if it weren’t for her undying support and overwhelming love. I want you all to know it and I want her to know it too. She is the light at the end of my tunnel, and the reason I wake each day with a smile on my face. I love you J. Thank you.
posted by SSG.FEL at 8:15 AM
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